I was just sitting here praying, thanking the Lord for helping me make it through! This 2020 was interesting for me, not because of what was going on outside my home but because of what was happening inside! I was depressed, beat down, changed for the worst, and struggling to stay afloat. I hid it for so long and pushed the feelings away but eventually, I cracked! I couldn't stop the tears from flowing or the anger from raising. I just simply needed help, and no one knew how to help me. I remember begging my partner for a helping hand and that put me deeper in the darkness because it looked as if he did not want to help me. Now that I'm ok, I realize he simply had his stuff to figure out and mine was too deep. I looked towards everyone else but Jesus! I cried to everyone else but Jesus, and finally, I realized he was the only person that was going to get me through.
I started thinking about all the blessings that came my way in the past. I thought about His vision that was placed on my heart in college, and how I was soooo in tune with him and what I was being called to do, that I realize that something happened. Something or someone broke me, and I never dealt with it. Blessings have been flowing my way since I stepped foot back in Atlanta when leaving college, but I was too broken and sensitive to build upon those blessings. If I could describe my faith and confidence in myself while hosting my Atlanta Classes and networking in the industry, I would describe it with a paper straw. Something weak, flimsy, and breakable. I think it's because deep down inside I felt out of place, on the wrong path, and kind of a follower.
Hear me out. God gave me a vision in 2017 and I started building it immediately. Eventually, I got lost and tried to add my plans into the mix leaving me empty, lost, and confused with every video and performance I committed to. Then while building what I thought was for me, I was blessed with a pregnancy. At the time I did not see it as a blessing, I saw it as a disruption to my life. I was so angry as if I did not know how babies are formed! But to be honest, It was my mind that was shattered. I had been dealing with low confidence in myself and my career for so long that this situation broke me. It was hard. I lost my love for dance, performing arts, and business, I just wanted to give up and the truth is I was not happy about my decision of keeping sky and being a single mom. But because of who I was ….. em…. because of the type of person I was, if it wasn't with him, it would've been with someone else, if it wasn't this situation that broke me, it would've been another because of how focused I was NOT. He is an amazing man, but God gave me a vision, and I chose to focus on a man. God gave me a vision and I left it behind trying to shake my butt in a video to be known. Oh, the downfall was going to come anyway so I'm thankful that it happened the way it did with me gaining a seed out of it. The Lord's seed; Skylar Amina Simmons.
That was then, and this is now. I AM strong, faithful, passionate about the vision he gave back to me, and HAPPY that I am a mother. How did I get here? I prayed daily for the strength to see things in a better light. Life is not perfect but I'm back and better than ever. My spirit or drive cannot be broken or shaken by any one that is not headed down the same lane as me or that does not agree with my lane. I will not be disrupted by individuals that simply do not believe as much as I do, I will not be strayed away from the vision God has placed on my heart. Ladies if you see me in the streets please come up to me, say hi, share a story, or let's exchange information because I vow to be a vessel and help another woman or man see the light that God has placed on all of our lives. Our generation is falling into a monkey see monkey do lifestyle and unfortunately, the leaders are not the ones we should be following. I stand for the Lord…. lol, I do. It's so scary to say it because I feel as if I will scare people off, but I have come such a long way and I am ready to break ground everywhere I step.
Has this ever happened to you before? God snatched everything from me, even my passion just to give it back to the new and improved me. The one that made it through and is healed from the tribulations that broke me. We know there are more hardships to come by but the difference is that this go round it's HIS vision, which makes it HIS responsibility, and I am HIS Ambitious Girl working remotely from earth.
Love you all! Please share your testimonies to help another woman out.
Love, HIS Ambitious Girl
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